Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Tiny little heartaches

"A child born to another woman calls me Mom. The depth of the tragedy and magnitude of the privilege are not lost on me" -Jody Landers

While our Safe Families kids don't usually call me "Mom," this quote meant a lot to me this past weekend- Mother's Day weekend.  I usually try to share some of the special happy moments here, but I thought that I would share a few of the more heartbreaking, poignant moments we've had lately.  Raising someone else's kid is a messy business on the best of days.  Encouraging a relationship with a parent who can't/won't/shouldn't care for their child is really hard.  Helping a child through the end of that relationship is harder.  And let me tell you, five year olds ask really good questions.  

Here are a few moments we've had lately that make me sigh/cringe/cry/honestly admit that I just don't know:

- Receiving a Mother's Day card from a child who, six months ago, cried himself to sleep clutching a picture of his mother.  He didn't make one for her.

- Being asked why all the white people live "up here" and all the black people live "down there" and how comes they aren't mixed up more?  Is it because the black people don't have cars?

- Explaining to him why we are going on vacation without him (can you say guilt??)

- Discovering that he helped my 2 year old hide the pants that she wet because he was afraid I would beat her up if I found out she had wet her pants.  Break.my.heart.

- Finding the pants he had wet in the bottom of the garbage can.

- Getting a "your 6 month dental checkup is due" notice for a little boy you miss and wonder about, and then having him back in your house the very next day.  Guess I'll go ahead and make that appointment.

- Being asked by my daughter why he only has one pair of shoes when all the other kids have at least 3...and why doesn't he have Keen sandals too? (Amazon thanks her for this question...)

- Debating whether or not to wear the necklace with my kids' names on it because his name is not on there (if he noticed, he didn't say anything).

-Being asked why didn't nobody give him a blankie like the other kids got when they was born?  

- Discovering that even after all the time with us, he is still sneaking food in the middle of the night.

- Hearing him ask Lego how come he knows so many things?  Lego replied that he reads them in books, and then "B" asked how come he can read books himself?  Who taught him that?

- Discovering that he has been using our last name (phonetically spelled) on all his homework papers at school. 

Luckily, in the middle of all this yucky stuff we are still able to find a lot of love and a lot of humor, so I will leave you with the adorable apology note I received the other day.
"Sorry for bringing the dead bird in the house."



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